The Berry Barn

I went to the Berry Barn for the first time last night. It was a mistake to even go, but it was for a friend's birthday, so I didn't exactly get to choose the location, and I wanted to be there for my friend.

Let me just say right now, that they are not gluten-free-friendly. At all. They might pretend to be, and some people might think they are, but neither the restaurant, the cooks, nor the wait staff have any idea what gluten-free actually means.

So, I didn't have time to look up the menu ahead of time and find out if I could eat anything, like I usually do. When I sat down with the menu, I started scouring it for a salad, or a potato dish, or anything I would normally be able to eat. Then I spotted a small bubble on the menu labelled "Gluten-Free". Awesome!

That section had two items. The first was a gluten-free pasta with vegetarian sauce and gluten-free garlic toast. So I asked our server about the toast, and I learned that they toast gluten-free bread in a contaminated toaster. Well, that makes it not gluten-free.

The next, and last, item was a gluten-free waffle with one trip to the toppings bar. I forgot to ask how they cook the waffle, but I would bet that they use the exact same waffle maker as for all of their regular waffles. However, I'm not sure, so I'll leave that one alone. The toppings bar, however, is a whole 'nother issue. I could see the toppings bar from where I sat, and I knew that it was buffet-style.

Now, this is where it gets complicated for me. I have celiac disease. If I consume less than 1/64th of a teaspoon of gluten, I will get sick. If people are using spoons to dish out fruit sauce onto their waffles, and then putting the spoons back in the fruit sauce, I absolutely can not trust that fruit sauce. If there is a chance anyone has bumped their food before returning the serving utensils, I could get sick.

I realize that people who eat gluten-free because it's trendy will not care about the toppings bar being contaminated. They could quite happily eat anything on there and not notice.

However, that's not what gluten-free means. If you say a food is gluten-free, that means that food is free from gluten. Clearly, the Berry Barn does not understand this concept, because my server insisted the toppings were gluten-free. I was trying to ask if they have any uncontaminated toppings (pre-packaged jams, or maybe a small dish of something from the kitchen), but he absolutely insisted I could eat off the toppings bar.

I gave up, and decided to order a waffle, and just not eat any toppings that are open to other patrons. Then the server asked if I wanted bacon or sausage with my waffle. Most sausages contain gluten from the factory, so I asked for bacon, but I asked if they could prepare it seperate from any gluten. The server told me that the bacon will come into contact with gluten.

Here's a newsflash for the Berry Barn: If something will come into contact with gluten, it is not gluten-free.

I recognize that with a severe food intolerance, it is a risk for me to eat at a restaurant. I realize that every time I eat out, I am taking my health into my own hands. I understand that most commercial kitchens can not guarantee my food will not come into contact with gluten. Most restaurants either have a disclaimer on their menu, or the server will verbally warn me when I order. I understand, and I accept responsibility for that risk.

My problem with the Berry Barn is that they did not have a warning on the menu. The server did not warn me. The restaurant does not seem to recognize that gluten-free food is no longer gluten-free after it comes into contact with gluten. They also titled their section "Gluten-Free" as opposed to "gluten friendly" or "gluten wise" like most restaurants do. If I had not asked as many questions as I did, I would have blindly assumed the food was safe for me to eat, or at least a minimal risk like most of the time.

I ordered the waffle, and I ate it with only maple syrup on top (because the maple syrup was in a squeeze container, there is minimal risk of contamination), and one of those two foods made me sick. I realize that there is always a risk, but there still needs to be better education. Restaurants need to be educated as to what gluten-free actually means.

So all in all, the Berry Barn is absolutely not gluten-free-friendly. If you have to eat gluten-free, if gluten makes you sick, do not eat at the Berry Barn. Do not take such a high risk with your health. And if you know someone who eats gluten-free, do them a favour and don't invite them to the Berry Barn. Pick one of the dozens of Saskatoon gluten-free friendly restaurants that have educated themselves, and are concerned about the health of their patrons.

Celiac Disease Awareness Month - Symptoms

One of the most common questions I hear is - What are the symptoms of Celiac Disease? Symptoms vary for each person affected with Celiac Disease, but there tends to be common ones amongst most of us.

Check out this awesome graphic from Gluten Dude that covers pretty much everything:

Opa! of Greece in Saskatoon

Eating out for lunch is a wee bit difficult, because I work in an industrial area, and there aren't very many restaurants close enough to make it there and back in an hour, and even less of them have gluten-free options.

But when my friend asks if I want to make a lunch date, how can I say no?

I had recently eaten at the best GF places in the area, so I did some UrbanSpoon research, and suggested Opa!

The North Industrial location opened recently, within the last month I think. As such, there weren't very many reviews on UrbanSpoon, but they were rated gluten-free friendly, and the company's website had a small, limited gluten-free menu posted.

The lunch hour was crazy busy, with a line all the way back to the door from the moment I walked in until I left to go back to work. When I got to the front of the line, I told the girl that I had a gluten allergy. She immediatly pulled out a gluten-free menu, and I quickly ordered off of that. I also asked if she could make note that it was an allergy, and she enthusiastically nodded and pushed a bunch of buttons.

I ordered a small greek salad, a lamb souvlaki and a chicken souvlaki. Since my friend ordered before me, when she was called up to select what went on her wrap, I followed to watch how they made my food.

The girl at the counter (a different girl from the till) handled my friend's pita, touching the wrap itself with her gloves, and after handing it off, she pulled out a plate and spooned some salad onto it. I was bothered that she didn't change her gloves, but I didn't want to be that person so I didn't say anything, until a piece of lettuce fell off the plate onto the crumby counter and she picked it up with her gloves and put it back on my plate.

I stepped forward. "Is that the greek salad?"

"Yeah..."

"Could you actually change your gloves?"

"What?"

"It's an allergy. Could you change your gloves?"

She looked the the slip of paper in front of her that I knew had my order on it and rolled her eyes. "You want me to remake this?" She looked a little indignant, and I felt bad, but I nodded. She tossed the small salad in the garbage, and slowly changed her gloves. Then she went through the same process of spooning out my salad and added two skewers of meat on top.

A couple more things bothered me, but I let them drop.

First of all, she didn't wipe down the counter or use a fresh spoon. Two small things that would make a big difference to me. Second, while spooning out my second salad, she asked her coworker to start making the next pita (since, you know, changing her gloves really put her back...).

So here are my problems with this restaurant... They have a gluten-free menu, and the girl at the till understood and seemed positive about an allergy, so I was hopeful. I thought that if she is knowledgeable and helpful, surely I'll be fine, right? Wrong. The people making the food have clearly not been trained on how to handle an allergy, which I would expect from a restaurant that rates itself as gluten-free friendly on UrbanSpoon.

I mean, sure. It's not 100% gluten-free and I'm taking a risk, and blah blah blah, but a business needs to train their food handlers on how to handle an allergy. What if it was an anaphylactic allergy like garlic or nuts? Would she have taken it seriously? Honestly, I doubt it. And that's a major health concern.

Oh, and I got sick. Yep, changing her gloves wasn't enough. I have my headache, fogginess, stomach pains and all the other wonderful symptoms that go along with accidentally consuming gluten. I'm sad, but I don't think I'll be able to go back to Opa! again.

However, my friend thouroughly enjoyed her pita/wrap thing, and the restaurant was clean, quick and delicious. If you eat gluten-free because of a preference, or if you don't care to eat gluten-free, I would reccomend this place. However, if you have an allergy of any sorts, I wouldn't bother going here. If you absolutely have to, maybe call ahead and ask about their allergy procedures...

Gluten-Grumpy

I think I lost it a little this morning.

My coworker noticed I was feeling pretty sick and asked if it was gluten. When I nodded, he said, "Why would you do that to yourself?"

I shot him a dirty look, an "Excuse me?" look if you will. And he said, "Well what did you eat?" as if I was a small child who got my finger stuck in the cookie jar.

I snapped. I lost it. "Why do people always seem to think I do this to myself? I would never purposefully eat gluten. I'm not so stupid as to do this to myself." And then I stopped to breathe. I realized that I was in my gluten-grumpy mode and needed to calm down.

So he said, "Well I don't know, maybe you were craving something."

I gritted my teeth and kept from ripping him a new one.

No. No, I would never eat gluten on purpose. No, I would never crave something and eat it. Never. Not once.

Damaging my body is not worth a donut. Being sick for five days will never be worth a slice of pizza. Nothing I could crave or desire would ever be worth knowingly making myself sick.

Yes, sometimes I engage in risky behaviour. Usually when I get sick, I know exactly what it was that made me sick because at one point during the day, I remember being paranoid and worried about something. And if there was only one moment I was paranoid, it was more than likely that moment that got me.

So yes, I guess I do this to myself. But usually the risky behavior goes hand in hand with being normal. If I want to continue functioning just like everybody else, I occasionally have to take risks. But the risks are never out of the ordinary, and often the risks are things I have done multiple times and been fine most of the time. But it only takes once.

Battling the Beast

Truthfully, I haven't felt like I've been in control for quite some time now. There is this thing hanging over my head that determines what I can eat, where I can go out to eat, how much energy I have, and how I feel about food. I've tried to own this disease of mine, making the eating restrictions just another part of who I am. The one thing I will never have control over, though, is getting sick. I have no say as to when, how bad or why I get sick. I can't make it go away faster, I can't even silence the symptoms. I am helpless to the angry beast that is my stomach.

This last weekend, I went out with a group of friends. We went to a restaurant I've been to several times and never had a problem with, but something went wrong. Before I'd even finished eating my food I started to feel it. Two of the people I was out with have watched me get sick before; they know the symptoms and they know how fast they set in. They started to pick up on how I was feeling right away and asked if I wanted to go home. I insisted on staying, but eventually everyone else started to notice too.

Baking Exchange + Glutened = Crazy Week!

This week has been a little nuts.

I signed up for a baking exchange at my work. The concept is that you make a dozen "somethings" for each person who signed up, and then you go home with a dozen other "somethings" from each person. It means you get a bunch of holiday baking, but you only have to work with one recipe! When one of the girls ran around asking everyone if they wanted to sign up, I was conflicted. I love baking, you know that! The idea of making a whole bunch of baking and sharing it sounded splendid! But there was no way I would be able to eat any of the other stuff... Oh well! I signed up anyways. I figure I'll take some home for M to enjoy, I'll share some with my family during the holidays, and I'll leave some up on my desk for everyone at work (who didn't want to bake) to enjoy.

I picked banana bread. I figure one loaf of banana bread is equivalent to a dozen cookies, and I saw these adorable loaf pans at the grocery store. They're cardboard and silicon oven-safe loaf pans that are cute enough to gift the baking in. They're reusable, and come with a bag and a red ribbon for each pan. Easy-peasy giving and presenting. Plus, I won't have to wash my loaf pan a bazillion times.

Twelve people signed up, which means I need to make twelve loaves of banana bread for Friday. That's not too hard, right?

Except that the only evening I have off this week is Friday.

My Strainer Fiasco

Contamination is one of those tricky subjects. A lot of celiacs will turn blue trying to avoid any form of contamination, refusing to eat food that even entered a kitchen containing gluten. Some people seem to think contamination isn't a big deal at all, giving me looks when I ask that they wash that knife or grab a new spoon. There's a spectrum of people at every level in between.

Personally, I do as much as I can. People who live in my house eat gluten. That means my kitchen has gluten in it. Crumbs get on the counters, dirty dishes go in the dishwasher, things happen. I wash all of the dishes in the same loads, and I definitely don't have a separate set of utensils. I don't use a dish if someone else has used it, no matter what they used it for. I don't put my food on a bare counter unless I just wiped it down. I think I toe a pretty safe line.

Back to Glutened

Well, it's been awhile since I felt this way, but I guess I got sick again. Like, gluten sick, as opposed to dairy sick, and contagious sick. It started Wednesday night, right after my fifteen minute break at work. All of the sudden, I felt like I hit a brick wall. I was sapped, and had zero energy, and then my stomach started cramping. My coworker said I looked like I was going to throw up, and I should just go home, but I really wanted to stick it out and make it through the night. There was less than an hour left at that point. So I sat down a bit longer, toughed it out, and went home, feeling like total crap.

All day Thursday, I just got worse. I wanted to curl up under my desk and die/nap. A couple of my coworkers could tell, and one of them told me to go home, but I had to work after work, and I didn't want to miss both. In fact, I didn't want to miss either.

Smitty's

It's been awhile; I know. I have all sorts of excuses: working a lot, being sick a lot, not sleeping a lot, and just plain laziness. Ultimately, I haven't blogged because I haven't baked anything new. At all. We've been eating tacos and pasta and banana muffins for too long. I need to get back to experimenting, I know.

Anyways, the reason I'm blogging now is because I officially had the worst restaurant experience. I've been pretty appalled before by the lack of knowledge waitresses have, and truly pathetic gluten-aware menus, and even having food delivered to me with obvious sources of gluten right on top, but this, I think, tops the cake.

The other day, I worked an eight hour shift on a Saturday, so lovely hubby had the day off. He met me for my break, like he does sometimes, and we decided to go eat at Smitty's, for it's convenient location in the mall.

I told the waitress right away that I had a gluten allergy, so she brought me the gluten-aware menu. I quickly settled on a spinach and swiss omelette, and ordered. The menu didn't have a plethora of options, but there were a few things that caught my eye.

The omelette came out to me with something creamy and white all over the whole thing. I asked if it was the swiss, and the waitress said, "It should be, but it looks like hollandaise. I'm sure it's fine, but I'll just go check." Starving, and with a limited amount of time to eat, I took two quick bites before the waitress came back and said, "Sorry, I'll have to take that back. It's not gluten-free." Say what? I ordered off the gluten-free menu, and informed you that I had a gluten allergy, yet you still brought me food that contains gluten?

She came back with safe food shortly, and apologized. She said she didn't know that the gluten-aware version doesn't have hollandaise sauce, so the kitchen added it, like they usually would. She also didn't bother to inform them of my allergy. She said, "Some people order off the gluten-free menu out of preference." Yes, but I told you I had an allergy.

So, I ate my safe spinach and swiss omelette, and enjoyed it, and got back to work in time, but felt minorly cruddy all day. Not like stabbing stomach pains, but the brain fog and headache. Not something that I was expecting to endure.

So does this top the cake? Well, my waitress didn't know anything, I had a pathetic gluten-free menu, and I had food delivered with gluten right on top. Yeah, I'd say it does top the cake.

Day 82: Downtown Boston Pizza

So, today was my last day of my job. It still feels a little surreal. I'm probably going to wake up tomorrow and start getting ready for work. I wrapped up my projects, showed my supervisor where I was leaving off, signed a paper or two, and handed in my key. That was the saddest part, I think.

Oh, and we went out for lunch. My office is pretty small, so we planned to all go out for lunch to celebrate my last day. Actually, only four of the guys and I went, because the other five all bailed. Lame-o's. Anyways, so five of us went to Boston Pizza. I wanted to pick something downtown so we could walk, and I haven't really eaten anywhere downtown, but I have eaten at the other Boston Pizza, and they're always really good and have several options, so I naturally picked it.

Let me just say, not impressed. I mean, I had a great time. It was great to sit and chat with the guys, and it was a nice closure, and my food was good... But I'm not eating there again.

First of all, I ordered the Tuscon Linguine, sub Glutenwise pasta, and alerted the waitress that I have a gluten allergy. My food came, and I first made sure I got the right pasta, then pulled out my fork, stabbed a piece of rotini, and froze. There was a big hunk of garlic toast sitting right on top of the whole thing. Just sitting there, staring at me. Taunting me.

My co-worker said, "Did they give you the right pasta?"

I had this moment of debate, where I tried to decide if I should just move the garlic toast and eat the pasta, or if I should just eat all the pasta that wasn't touching it, or if I should make a stink, but I was afraid my coworkers would judge me, or think I was making too big of a deal about it.

All I could say was, "There's garlic toast on top of it."

As they realized what that meant, they all said things like, "You said it was an allergy, I heard you say it was an allergy!" and "Send that back. Don't eat it." and "Make sure they actually remake it. They might just pull it off and call it good." I felt very supported. I'm so thankful for all the people in my life who understand.

So when the waitress came by, I asked her to make me a new one, and then when it came, I turned the whole plate around to check for bread crumbs, and it was also piping hot, so I'm actually pretty sure they did make me a new one.

And then my coworker, who had gotten a pulled pork sandwich, discovered the bottom of his bun was moldy.

They remade his food too. And we both got our meals for free.

Which is great, and normally would make me think it's worth going there again, but it's not. There are two Boston Pizza's here, and they're about a ten minute drive apart. So I will keep going to the Thatcher BP's (where I have never had a contamination problem), and not the downtown one, ever again. So not worth it.

Day 54: Sushi

I met a friend for a lunch date today. We used to meet at the sushi house and have lunch together all the time. As in, every couple of months. Last time we went, I admitted that I only went there when I went with her, and she said she hadn't been since the last time we were there together. That was over a year ago, but when we planned lunch, we just had to do sushi.

I knew it would be risky. I didn't know if I could communicate a gluten allergy to the server (everyone who works there is very Japanese). I knew a lot of things are breaded and deepfried, or covered with sauces.

So I got there a little early, and studied the menu. I used to get a bento box with teriyaki chicken, a salad, some rice, some california rolls, and some sushi. But that was really out of the question, so I analyzed everything else I knew I liked.

Cali rolls were safe, my second favorite dynamite rolls were not. The bagel roll, which has cream cheese seemed to be. So I settled on that but knew I'd still be hungry. A side of rice would be hard to not eat with soya sauce, so I got some miso soup. It has tofu, and green onion in it.

Several slurps into my soup, I thought about how the broth tastes like beer, and googled it. It's made from fermented wheat, barley, or rice. Which means there's a 70% chance it's bad. I put it aside and didn't touch it again. I also managed to eat all my sushi without dipping any of it in soya sauce. I also managed to avoid the fortune cookies. That was hard. Those things are my favorite.

But I feel like all that work was for naught. I feel glutened now, and I'm pretty sure it was the soup. If I hadn't gotten the soup, and I didn't feel bad now, I'd know sushi was safe. But now I don't know. It could be the soup, but what if the soup was made from rice? What if the sushi was cross-contaminated? Urgh. Stupid me. Asian food is supposed to be the safest, because they don't have this wheat craze like America does. But soup? Blurgh.

So... I might eat there again sometime. When someone else wants sushi. That will never be my husband, so it might not be for a long time. Until then, I don't really know if sushi is safe or not. And then, it would depend on the place and how they assemble it. If the tempura sushi touches the same stuff mine does, it wouldn't be safe anyways.

Haha. So, my friend got two rolls with tempura shrimp. When the server came out with our food, we couldn't understand what she said, so my friend just took the first plate, and then my plate was just covered in breaded shrimp and the sushi was slathered in an unknown sauce. I just stared at it for a second, and then said, "Uh, that's not mine." And then we realized we'd accidentally switched. Haha. I freaked out for about a second.

Day 43: Symptoms

Somebody once asked me how soon I started feeling bad after eating gluten, and what happened, so here's my own personal experiences with being glutened, so far.

The first thing I notice is feeling dizzy, or a dizzy-like headache. This sets in within an hour. I quickly find it very hard to focus on anything, and catch myself squinting to look at basic things directly in front of me (potholes, stop lights, door knobs, sidewalk cracks, etc). Depending on the severity, my whole mind might be abducted by "brain fog". I might find it hard to form sentences and fumble with words, I frequently forget things, I sometimes feel confused, and I just plain know my brain is functioning at its best.

The next thing I notice is my tummy. I feel "unwell". It varies from nauseous, gassy, to severe stomach pains. I haven't gotten the stabbing pains since I was diagnosed, thankfully, but that just means they're of symptom of a lot of gluten. I usually want to throw up just over an hour from eating something bad. My stomach feels rumbly, but not hungry, like I ate a whole nest of bees and they want out.

I also start to feel really really tired. Some people say it's like they just got out of bed, but for me it's more like I could just fall asleep right there. I sit at work and think about putting my head on my keyboard and passing out. I stand in public places and stare at the floor, wondering if I could sleep there. If I stumble, fall or collapse, I often just stay on the floor, or lay down and want to sleep there. Standing up after sitting is hard, and keeping my eyes all the way open becomes a chore. I feel exhausted. It's actually feels worse to get a whole night's sleep and then eat gluten than it does to pull an all-nighter.

I usually feel pretty bloaty later. If I eat gluten at lunch time, sometime in the evening I find my pants are suddenly too small. And then I get really bad gas. That's easily the most embarrassing part of all of it. I've never really burped or farted much in my life, but lately, and more so now when I mess up, I start burping lots (and can always taste whatever I recently ate, which isn't normal I'm sure), and then passing so much gas. It's ridiculous, and awful. Sorry if that's TMI... I'm not even going to get into what my bathroom has seen...

Blurgh. So, overall, gluten makes me feel crappy and rundown. As I'm sure you can guess, before I was diagnosed, I just felt awful every day. I'd say I felt sick, and Hubby would ask how, and I'd say I just felt awful, or yucky, or cruddy. I had no words. I felt this odd collection of sick, but I felt it all the time, and it was always the same. How do you explain something that has become normal to you but isn't normal to the rest of the world? Without a name, it's pretty hard. Now I can rationally tell my friends that I fell and feel stupid because of "brain fog". Before, I'd just say I was tired. It gets old, and frustrating, feeling tummy-yucky and brain fog all the time. I'd say I felt nauseous, but it wasn't the same as "I'm going to throw up" nausea, it was "my stomach hates me" nausea.

Day 25: Getting Glutened

So... I glutened myself today. Kind of on purpose, and I was kind of aware of it. Do you remember how I said we had two pastas, and one was weird and foamy and tasted weird, and one was normal and yummy and good? Well, we went to buy more of the good kind, and we noticed that it didn't actually say gluten-free on it. I knew I read the ingredients the first time I bought it, so I flipped it over and checked again. Apparently, under the ingredients, in bold letters, it says "May contain wheat" so awesome. We bought a different kind all together, but I still had about a serving left of that one kind. So today, at lunch, I made it. I knew I had eaten only safe foods all day, so I would know if it effected me or not. It did. Oh, did it ever. I felt awful all afternoon.

Actually, the afternoon was about it. I felt bloaty and gassy and nauseous and blurgh at work, until about four, when I started feeling a bit better. By five, I felt okay, and I dragged my butt to the gym to meet Banana. I felt actually good there. Maybe just moving and working out made me feel alive. I did the circuit again, and then 20 min of elliptical. And then we sat in the sauna for awhile. Man, the heat does wonders on my muscles. I hate how I feel in there, all hot and sweaty and burning, but I love how my muscles feel.

So here's a maybe-symptom. After the sauna and a shower I was red and splotchy over most of my body. It looked really bad. Like a rash, but it wasn't itchy or bumpy. It covered my legs up to mid-thigh, my arms, my chest, and my face. Not my stomach, upper thighs or neck. I noticed it was pretty much everywhere I used to have a tan, so it could be heat-related, melanin-related, gluten-related or new-body-wash-related. I have no idea what caused it, but it looked really bad and lasted after I cooled off.

To be honest, I didn't ever actually eat dinner. I had some cheese and crackers and a ham sandwich, but that's really it. Oh, hubby decided my new gluten-free bread tastes awful. We're out of his bread, so he tried some of mine, and it was a nope.

I felt a lot better after the gym, so I might try that the next time I have symptoms. I still have the brain fog, and I'm really tired, but my body returned to normal afterwards.

Day 15: Happy Two Weeks, Tummy!

Happy two weeks, tummy. Feeling any better? No? You hate me even more? Oh is it just today? Oh, okay... You just wanted to remind me how awful I felt before two weeks ago? Thanks. Thank you, stomach. I appreciate it.


Soo.... Today has been unproductive. I was very glazed-over at work. My sister popped into my office close to quitting time, so we wandered down to the library together so she could look for a book, and I flipped through some gluten-free cookbooks.

[I have a dozen or two normal cookbooks at home, and every time I cook, I find something on allrecipes.com or on Pinterest, and I never crack a book unless I remember something my mom used to make. So I am resistant to buying cookbooks anymore.]

So I'm reading some of the gluten-free cookbooks, and they tend to profess a certain type of flour, and stick to it. The most frustrating thing about Pinterest is that every blogger has a different "I swear by this flour" flour. So it's hard hopping from blog to blog. But if I buy one complete gluten-free cookbook that sticks to their guns and covers different meals, and not all the recipes are "replacement" foods, but some are "creatively un-glutened" (that's my term. I just made it up) then I think I would really use it. I only want one, or I'll never use any of them. So that's my new mission. To hunt down one, single, really good, complete, gluten-free cookbook. I need to find it myself, it needs to have lots of pictures, I need to like the writing style, and it needs to cover lots of areas of food.

Anyways, my sister and I then walked over to the fried chicken outlet downtown, and got fries because I know they take a potato, put it through a slicer tool, and then fry it. They do fry the fries in the same oil as the breaded chicken, which makes it contaminated, but dammitall, I just wanted fries! So I had fries. Well, my sister and I split fries. And she didn't get gravy on the side because I'm a mean little sister.

Then we all went home. Within ten minutes of getting home, the main floor of our house had me, my husband, my best friend, my sister, the guy who lives in our basement, and his friend who is staying with him for the weekend. It was a very suddenly full living room. But I like it like that.

Anyways, after my sister left to hang out with her boyfriend, and the two guys went downstairs to nerd out, and my friend went to buy groceries, hubby and I had dinner. He combined barbeque sauce, ground beef, leftover rice and cheese into a yummy soupy skillet dish. It was good, filling and simple.

Just before dinner, I started feeling wiped and weak, but when I got up from the table to do the dishes, I collapsed. Hubs helped me to the couch, where I groaned and felt nauseous, and moaned and whined until he left to celebrate the roommate's birthday (which is actually tomorrow). My friend got back soon though (I mentioned she's staying here for a couple days, right?), and she sat with me until I dragged my butt up to go pee and then brought my laptop back to the couch so I could write all of this.

So basically, I feel like I "got glutened". Long-time gluten-free celiacs describe the way they feel after accidentally consuming gluten as that. The symptoms (whatever their symptoms may be) hit. For me, I notice fatigue and a weakness, and then the "brain fog" that a lot of other people describe, and then nausea, gas, and a general "feeling awful". It seems to be a really common reaction, amongst celiacs who frequent the forums I've been reading. My first reaction is "What did I eat with gluten in it?" and I bet you're blaming the fries (I was too), but this early on in the healing progress, it's perfectly normal for the symptoms to hit for no reason. There's still gluten in my system, and my intestine is still damaged. So this early on, I can't blame it on anything, really. I can't call fries from a breaded chicken place "too much". I'm not going to eat there everyday, but I'm not going to blame them and call them witches. So I guess what I'm saying is that I do need to be 100% anal and obsessive and careful, but I don't need to be pointing fingers when it hits.

[If you're wondering about "brain fog", it's a common symptom described by gluten sensitive, and more commonly, celiacs. I basically feel like a fog descended on my brain. I have a hard time focusing, my focus gets lost easily (earlier, my husband was telling me a story, and I halfway through I picked up my phone and started facebooking. I completely forgot he was even talking until he said something. I felt awful). I feel very distracted and lost. Driving is scary, because I accidentally hit the wrong pedal, I forget which road I was going to take home, and I often just don't use my signal lights. Doing anything is hard because I'm fighting a dense fog around my thinking capabilities, and conversation is difficult. It's like when you're overtired to the point of having to think about focusing, and not being sure what you were doing a few seconds ago. For months, I blamed feeling like this on just being tired, even though I was sleeping 8-10 hours a weekday, and sometimes 12 or more on weekends.]

So... It's been two weeks. I haven't been perfectly gluten-free that whole time, but I have survived to my two week "anniversary". Another 50 weeks, and I'll have done a year... Woohoo....

Day Six: The Potluck

I am so sick of this rollercoaster of feeling better and worse.

Actually, it would be a pretty lame rollercoaster, because I usually wake up feeling okay, feel good by coffee, feel a tiny bit worse by lunch, and then about an hour after lunch I just start declining until five o'clock.

Then, I either pump myself up enough to be in a good mood for my husband, or am feeling so cruddy that I'm just plain grumpy and can't handle the idea of dinner. After dinner, I usually balance out at an average "not so great" until bed.

It seems related to eating. When I don't eat, I feel okay. But I'm not eating gluten. Well, maybe today I did... But that's just today! The last few days, I'm completely sure I didn't consume a tiny drop of it at all. I know that it's going to take some time to feel okay again, and my digestive system will take awhile to recover, but I just want to not be sick anymore.

So, the potluck at work was today. I really only signed up to go because I haven't met most of the people I work with. My job doesn't effect anyone else's (except one) and their jobs don't really effect me, so I only meet people outside of my specific office space intermittently. And I decided a department-wide potluck would be a great idea. Mind you, that was before I got "dx'ed". 

All morning, I just sat at my desk, with these peanut buttery oatmeal bar things just smelling amazing, and me worrying about lunch. I brought a little container of gluten-free crackers, and a rice cake, in case there was cracker food and/or there wasn't much I could eat.

At noon, I wandered downstairs with my pan of dessert looking for a room of people I didn't know. Sounds like a great idea, huh? Well, I followed my nose and found it. And sure enough, I didn't know anybody. Haha.

Overall, it was actually pretty fun. One person asked me if I worked in IT, and what my name was, and then the lady who organized it admitted to not having any idea who I was when I emailed her to tell her I was coming. I've worked there since last May.

Everyone loved my dish, and most asked for my recipe, which is a sure sign of a potluck hit.

I really should have cancelled, or poked my head in and left or something. I shouldn't have eaten there. I avoided all the dishes with noodles, bread crumbs, and croutons, or any obvious gluten, but you know how many things have secret gluten in them. So eating a bunch of homemade unknown dishes is really not a great idea.

I had some coleslaw, some salads, some shrimp dip, some of a cheese ball, a bit of ham, and some spicy little meatballs. Honestly though, any of them could have been bad.

So, the lesson learned today is potlucks are bad. Except maybe a "gluten-free potluck". Wouldn't that be fun? Anybody up to planning one? Then I could find yummy safe dishes. Hmm...

It makes me sad. I've always loved potlucks; I even have a cookbook meant for potluck dishes. Ah well, just one more sacrifice, right?

I actually haven't felt any worse today than yesterday, though. So maybe I was safe. I felt a little groggy this afternoon, and had a hard time focusing on my computer screen, but I might blame that on my job being so boring my mind is going numb. 

For dinner, my lovely husband made bacon-wrapped sausage and fried mini potatoes. So my second lesson from today is that just because I can't have gluten, doesn't mean I have to eat healthy. ;)

I planned on making my potluck dish again, and taking pictures this time, so I can give you the recipe, but I felt pretty wiped after dinner. So, when I get around to it / when my hubby begs me to make it, I will share it with you.

Unhealthy, and gluten-free. Mmmmm....

Day Two: A Feast

So... Here's the thing about my diagnosis yesterday. Today, I had a really big event to go to. I don't know if you've ever heard of the SCA, but it doesn't matter. I sometimes go to events, and they vary in what happens there. The one today, that I've been looking forward to for some time is a feast. There'll be stuff going on all day, a free-for-all lunch, and then a four-course feast for dinner.

And that, means a lot of gluten I'm not supposed to eat.

If I had been gluten-free for some time, I would have brought my own replacements for bread and crackers, or talked to the cooks and asked for something set aside. But I found out yesterday. I did ask the cooks what all was safe, but that didn't matter much when the lunch was meat, cheese and buns. I'm sorry, but chunks of roast beef with some cheddar is just plain sad. After nibbling on what I could, I got frustrated and asked my husband to take me somewhere.

However, I dressed up for the event today. Nothing weird, just a medieval-style dress, but enough that I didn't want to go to a grocery store in it, or even really leave the car. So we hit up a drive-through. Bad idea, I know. In some time, I'll get used to the fact that I really can't eat anything at any fast food restaurant ever.

I had a salad and a wrap, and just ate as little of the tortilla as possible. I know it's still bad, and I'll pay for it later, but this is day two! I haven't even gone grocery shopping yet.

I made it through the afternoon to dinner time, but by the time the feast began, I was starving.

Course number one was bread, cheese and flavoured butters. I can't just eat cream cheese and butter!!!! That's so dumb. So I had some bread. Bad Robynne. But it was soo good!

Course number two was meatballs, coleslaw, pasta and a sauce. Since I was served all of it, I did eat a little pasta, but after a few bites, I determined it wasn't worth it. Good Robynne.

Number three was roast beast stuffed with rice and a cooked root vegetables. Oh my gosh! I just shoved my face full here. Those root vegetables were so goshdarn good, and the meat and the rice! Wow. I was so happy. The cooks had already told me the meat and veggies were totally gluten-free, so there was no guilt attached. This was the best I felt all day long. Mmmmm... Mental note, remember root vegetables! Very filling, no gluten, and so good!

And then last, was dessert, which was a cottage cheese pie. I know it sounds weird, but it tasted like tapioca pudding in pie shell. So maybe I shouldn't have had any, but I maybe had a few pieces.. And maybe a few more than that. Bad Robynne.... But it was good.

By this point, I am pretty wiped. I'm still feeling rather unwell, having had gluten yesterday and a few times today. I felt better today than I have most of the last three months, but I'm still not up to par.