My Last First

The other night, M and I were laying in bed, ready to go to sleep, and this conversation happened.

R: "This is my last first."

M: "What?"

R: "Valentine's day. It's my last first."

M: "That's crazy. You have lots of firsts left. First pregnancy, first kid, first --"

R: "You know what I mean. It's my last first gluten-free thing."

I don't know how to explain what I'm feeling, but I'm coming up on my one-year anniversary of this whole thing. I've handled every major holiday (Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas), every season, every birthday, and minor things like weddings, baby showers, and banquets. Sure, there are things I haven't handled, but they're things I didn't handle before being gluten-free, so it's not quite the same. There's only one annual thing left that I haven't faced - Valentine's Day. The big V day. Singles Awareness Day.


It's not one that comes to mind when you think about difficult gluten-free events, but it still comes with all sorts of anxiety for me. Typically, my husband would buy me chocolate, send me flowers, and we'd go out for a nice dinner date. Chocolate becomes a little bit harder. It's surprising how much chocolate has gluten in it, and a dinner date becomes a little more difficult. We could go somewhere I trust, or we could go somewhere nice and be riddled with anxiety the whole time.

It makes it a bit easier, though. We both have to work tonight. So we don't have any plans for the actual V-Day.

That doesn't change the fact that it's my last first. In just a week it will be my one-year anniversary with my new tummy. It's kind of a big deal to someone like me who obsesses over numbers and dates. I mean, I'm the one who got married on a Friday because the date was more meaningful.

It's not nerve-wracking or upsetting, it's just a big deal. I don't really know how I feel, but I know I feel something.